Night Shift: Part I

At seventeen, I was convinced I could make it as an independent filmmaker. No matter what, I told myself, I'll do it; it won't be easy, maybe I'll put myself into debt for a while, but I'll do it... was anyone so naive?

About midway through the senior year of my undergraduate film degree, I started to realize something: I'll never do this for a job. It would be nice, but let's be realistic - to make it in film (as in to make a living), you need at least two of three independent conditions, though most successful filmmakers get all three: (a) extreme dedication; (b) a modicum of talent; and (c) an extreme amount of luck. I had a little talent, but no luck, and no hard dedication. I loved movies and had a lot of fun making them in school, but filmmaking didn't define me; I didn't have to do it, I just liked doing it. I finished up the bachelor's anyway, assuming it was better to have a degree than no degree.

So then I had to ask myself, Well, what do I want to do? That question has taken nearly four years to answer. For a while I just put it off, thinking I could still make a living somehow with my little film degree. Then, like all uncertain liberal arts majors, I thought, Ah ha! I'll go to grad school! ... Thankfully, though, this idea was squelched almost as soon as it occurred because - let's be honest - what do you do with a graduate degree in film, other than teach film? Not much. So after all that I finally realized I had to look outside my area of study... but where should I look? I bounced around to several possibilities: MBA, MFA, move away and start over completely - for a long time I thought of being a cop. It was ill-advised (looking back, I convinced myself it was a good idea because it didn't require any additional schooling, paid decently, and provided job security, but I'm not suited for it personality-wise and was most interested in detective work, which would have taken years), but it did motivate other areas of my life. For instance, until I started applying to be a police officer, I was a 6', 125 lb. weakling who could barely run a mile; after months of dedicated exercise and a complete diet change, I became a 6', 155 lb. weakling who could barely run two miles.

 It took me a while, but I finally bit the bullet to get back into school. Basically a matter of priorities. One of the first things I told myself when I was figuring out what I wanted to do was that I didn't want anything to do with business. I'd worked in retail/customer service-type areas for over a decade, and the one thing I firmly decided was that I didn't want any job or career where the sole purpose was how much money I made for a company that already had too much money. I took a detour in law enforcement before finally settling on health care, a much better fit. The chance to help people, really help people is the biggest draw, but also I get to learn new things, challenge myself physically and mentally, and there is always something different and interesting going on. Just the other day I observed a tracheostomy. An immensely positive atmosphere.

All of which brings me to where I am now. Engaged, living in a Chicago suburb, working 40+ hours a week all while studying to become a Physician Assistant. If you told me five years ago that I would be working the night shift at a hospital in Illinois while taking classes like Anatomy/Physiology and Organic Chemistry, I would have said you were crazy. But that's what happened. And you know something? It's better that way.

Just don't hold it against me if I look like I belong on the set of a George A. Romero movie.